Hair On Fire
by Astiza
Summary: It's a wonder none of the knights have ever accidentally set their hair on fire, what with all the torch-swinging they do.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This drabble was taken off my Awkward Moments fic… I thought it should be a one-shot, so here it is.**

Also, my word processor seems to be of the opinion that 'drabble' is plural or it's a verb... which would be weird. It wants me to change "This drabble" to either **"This drabbles"** or **"These drabble"** Um, alright then.

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><p>Merlin always thought it was a miracle that none of the knights ever set their hair on fire with all of their torch-wielding glory. Really, it was almost too good to be true. Something had to give.<p>

And it was then, just as the Daracha began to descend upon the knights, that Merlin realized this would be the day –er night. He was grateful in advance that he had short hair.

Sir Gwaine and Sir Leon were not quite as fortunate.

The Daracha were shrieking. In the abandoned courtyard, Percival rushed towards the knights, a pile of wooden debris in his arms. A tight circle was made, torches jutting out like fiery spines.

_EEEEEEEEeeeeeeee!_

Leon swung his torch wide, snuffing out the onslaught of ghosts. Lancelot and Gwaine stepped up beside him against the second wave. The Daracha were coming, soaring in eerie circles around the clustered knights. Arthur raised his torch against another Daracha when a cry pierced the thick air around them. It wasn't a Daracha scream.

"My hair!" Gwaine was slapping at his head furiously where his hair was up in flames. Arthur jerked the torch away, thrusting it into an oncoming ghost. "Help!" Gwaine dove out of the circle of knights, catching Leon on the way and setting his hair on fire as well. The two knights blundered into the courtyard trying to smother the flames that were licking their fine locks. Gwaine dropped to the ground, frantically rolling about like a disgruntled log. The torches were extinguished in the ensuing mayhem. Meanwhile, the Daracha fled at this strange display of arson, leaving the knights in the dark.

When morning finally came and the full extent of the cosmetic damage was visible Gwaine wouldn't stop glaring at Arthur and Leon wouldn't stop glaring at Gwaine.

Sir Gwaine and Sir Leon were left with singed hair and blistering scalps. Leon's beard seemed horribly out of proportion without his rusty hair to balance out his head. Gwaine pouted and refused to look at any of the other knights.

"Hey," Merlin said, doing his best to remain optimistic. "It could be worse." This was met with more glares. "You could be dead."

Everyone groaned and said, "Merlin. Shut. Up."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** This idea wouldn't leave me alone, so I present PART II of "Hair On Fire"

This is a crack!fic in case you hadn't noticed.

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><p>The night settled over the forest without a sound. Merlin rubbed his hands together to ward off the chill. Leon, Percival, and Elyan hovered near their makeshift fire pit, feeding bits of fuel into the flames. Several unlit torches were propped against a nearby tree. Gwaine crouched by the river under the pretence of quenching his thirst, but everyone knew what he was really up to.<p>

"Gwaine, you look fine."

"Fine?" Gwaine raised his head from where he had been studying his reflection. "Fine! Arthur, my head looks like… a wildoren's skin."

Arthur huffed and quirked his mouth apologetically.

"It's not as bad as Leon," Arthur replied under his breath. He cast a furtive glance at the knight in question. Leon had shaved his beard since he looked absurd with facial hair and bald head. Now he had a bald head _and_ a bald face.

Gwaine rose from the stream bed, dusting off his hands. "If my hair doesn't grow back, there will be hell to pay, princess." He traipsed off without another word, leaving Arthur rolling his eyes. But the prince was silently wary – who knew what Gwaine would do.

Lancelot settled down beside Merlin and prepared to take the first watch. The last, stray bits of light vanished, and with them went any feelings of safety the knights had harboured. Edginess set in amongst them all as the light faded and the trees became darker shapes amid a dark wood.

The fires were burning low when the first shriek pierced the air. Merlin was on his feet in an instant, a torching springing to life with a muttered word. He glanced around, searching for the telltale white wisps of the Daracha. Lancelot sat up beside him, groping for a torch. The rest of the knights were still asleep, but not for long. A second scream rent the air and everyone jerked awake as though they were controlled by puppeteer strings.

Gwaine shoved a torch into the fire, stirring the embers, and igniting the cloth. The first Daracha descended, heading for Sir Leon whose bald head glowed faintly in the firelight. Elyan swung his torch at the spirit and it vaporised. The knights clustered around the fire pit again, back to back.

With what he felt was an extremely sneaky motion, Gwaine manoeuvred himself beside Arthur, holding his torch aloft.

"There!" Gwaine shouted, swinging wildly. Arthur ducked the flaming brand, searching for the Daracha Gwaine had seen, but saw nothing. He glared at the knight and his glare was returned with a deceptively innocent grin.

The woods grew eerily still and Merlin held his breath, feeling quite powerless with only a flaming stick in his hand. He whispered as much to Lancelot and the knight reminded him that the "stick" was really a torch. Torch sounded more badass.

"Behind you!" Gwaine yelled again, swinging his torch. It caught Arthur's shoulder, sending him stumbling out of the circle. Merlin was at his side in an instant, but he quickly backed off when the flames began licking the prince's hair.

Arthur's eyes bulged in pain and he began batting at his head in a manner that would most definitely _not_ be described as frantic. "Gwaine!" He shouted, rounding on the knight. His fist connected neatly with Gwaine's chin. Gwaine jerked out of the way, the torch flying out of his hands in the process.

It hit Lancelot on the head and his black hair immediately began smoking. Merlin backed away from the knights, not caring that he didn't have a torch with him. At the moment, it seemed better to keep away from torches.

Lancelot made a face that would have been absurdly funny in other circumstances. Gwaine still laughed as Lancelot smothered the flames and even offered to slap his head for him. Gwaine's offer was declined with Lancelot's cool eloquence that did _not_ involve screaming and death threats.

The Daracha, once more, fled the scene, screeching until their nonexistent throats were hoarse. This could potentially pose a problem in the future, since the knights usually counted on being able to hear their foes before they saw them as fair warning. But you can't have everything.

By the end of the night, Lancelot and Arthur were sulking on the forest floor. Gwaine was looking a bit sheepish, but his otherwise flippant personality overtones were taking precedence. Leon looked at his prince with sympathy and Elyan and Percival sat back to back, glad they had short hair. Merlin huddled against a tree, more than aware of the fact that he was the sole person who had a sizeable amount of hair. It was going to be a long night.

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><p><strong>Will Merlin be next? Review and you'll find out a lot faster.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** I am aware that they didn't get to the Isle of the Blessed in this fic. Just ignore that for now. This is a crack!fic and it doesn't have to make sense.

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><p>Merlin walked beside Lancelot, glancing surreptitiously at the others every now and then. Arthur led the group as they trudged back towards Camelot. The outline of the castle was just visible over the hills. The sunrise cast a soft pink glow on everything it touched. Gwaine though it resembled Leon's bald, sun burnt head.<p>

"I will personally see that you're put on double patrol duty," Leon hissed under his breath at Gwaine's smarmy comment. Gwaine grinned at him and kept walking.

"Is Gwaine giving you trouble again, Sir Leon?" Arthur asked pompously from beneath his helmet.

"Nothing I can't handle, sire," Leon replied, resisting the urge to scratch his flaking skin. Gwaine chuckled and slapped the back of Arthur's helmet. The prince let out a very manly cry of surprise and tripped up the wayward knight. Gwaine went tumbling into the grass down the hill. The knights heard a grunt of surprise and peered over the crest. Gwaine lay at the bottom, faint flecks of blood on his head where he had struck a rock and… and…

He had a full head of hair again.

Lancelot reached up to his own scorched hair and was dismayed to find it still missing. Everyone looked at Leon, but the senior knight's head remained naked as a giant baby rat. Percival descended the little hill and hauled an unconscious Gwaine into his arms.

"Shall we press on or stay here until Gwaine is fit for travel?" Percival asked.

"It will take at least another day's walk to reach the city," Lancelot said.

Elyan sat down in the shade of a tree, dumping his pack on the ground. That seemed to decide it for everyone and the rest of the knights joined Gwen's brother in the shade. Merlin glanced at Gwaine and suppressed a smirk.

"What's so funny, Merlin?" Lancelot whispered, scooting towards his friend. Merlin raised his eyebrows in a picture of innocence.

"Nothing," he replied easily, smiling. "Why?" Lancelot fixed him with a stony expression but didn't press any further. He had a sneaking suspicion that Merlin had something to do with Gwaine's sudden sprouting of hair. Lancelot cross his arms over his chest and leaned against a tree. His scalp felt scratchy and bare.

Percival and Leon went to gather some wood for a fire while Arthur took a swig from his canteen. Gwaine lay sprawled in the shade, thoroughly senseless.

"The great knight Gwaine," Arthur muttered. "Defeated by a rock." He poured some of his water over Gwaine's face and the knight came to, sputtering.

He glanced around before feeling his head. A maniac grin spread over his face and he laughed loudly, tilting his head back. "My hair!" He crowed to the sky like a triumphant king returning from battle. "It's back!"

The rest of the knights were green with envy for the rest of the day. When night fell, the fires were lit and the knights of Camelot prepared for another ordeal with the Daracha.

"It's a shame we couldn't get to the Isle," Elyan murmured as the darkness drew in. "I'd really prefer not to be fighting these things."

"Me too," Merlin replied, gripping a torch.

Arthur twirled his own torch around, creating a whirring noise and a circle of fire light in the dark. His gaze was trained on Gwaine. Merlin didn't think this was going to turn out well. Gwaine had been preening all evening, making the rest of the burnt-headed knights jealous.

Darkness finally engulfed the little group. The fires glowed solemnly, but no Daracha screeching was heard. And then…

"Look out!" Percival bellowed, swinging his torch at a silent Daracha. The ghost spirits swooped down upon them, surprisingly quiet, but not lacking in speed. Elyan leapt beside Percival and the two knights battled side by side. Lancelot and Merlin fought back to back, driving the Daracha away.

The first wave subsided and the men of Camelot heaved a sigh of relief.

"Why do they not shriek?" Gwaine asked, glaring into the darkness.

None of the knights had an answer, although there were two plausible explanations, which Merlin mulled over. One, they could have wised up and decided they were more effective at killing if their prey _didn't_ notice they were around; and two, they lost their voices from all the shrieking they did.

The night wore on and the Daracha did not return. Slowly, one by one, the men began to fall asleep. The torches still burned.

Everyone was awakened by a horrified scream. Lancelot bolted to the fire, snatching up a torch. He swung around wildly, catching Elyan on the head. Arthur scrambled to his feet, reaching for an unlit torch and promptly smacked Merlin in the face with it. The screaming continued and the knights floundered, startled from sleep and very disoriented. Percival ran into a tree, but quickly recovered enough to make his way back to the fire pit and grab a torch. Leon was squinting into the night.

Then the screaming stopped. Arthur rubbed his eyes and peered into the murky blackness. Merlin felt his own eyes adjusting to the darkness and his gaze immediately alighted on Gwaine. The knight had set his own hair on fire again in his sleep. Gwaine's ferocious expression was somewhat muddled by his lack of hair and Lancelot had to stifle a laugh. The Daracha didn't return that night.

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><p><strong>Please review! Part IV still to come (:<strong>

**Don't forget to vote in my profile poll - Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

The knights stumbled back into Camelot looking worse for wear on the dawning of the next day, Arthur with his helmet firmly planted over his head, Lancelot looking shifty under a hooded cloak he lifted from some poor peasant, Gwaine still unconsciously flinging his head around despite the fact his hair had burnt off again. Leon was still bald as ever and Elyan had a sore spot where Lancelot's torch had hit him. Merlin felt his face swelling from the torch he took to the face, courtesy of Arthur. Percival was the only one left unscathed – save for his run-in with the tree – but that hadn't so much as bruised him.

The bedraggled men headed into the courtyard, their mission somewhat of a failure as none of them got to sacrifice themselves.

"Don't say a word," Arthur said under his breath when it looked as though Gwen and Gaius were about to press them with questions on the state of the knight's hairless countenances.

Merlin, a giant grin plastered across his face, sauntered in with the rest of them, his own hair intact. Instantly, he was engulfed by the entire female population of Camelot.

And it was then that Gwaine came to the depressing and irksome conclusion that the only reason women went for the knights and the prince was because of their luscious locks. While Merlin was peppered with kisses and caresses of affection, Gwaine led the knights into the tavern to drown their sorrows.

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><p><strong>That's it folks :D Please review and vote in the poll on my profile! <strong>


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